Well hot damn it's been forever since I posted one of these.
Have you ever had one of those weeks where something really big happened and it just derailed your entire life? Yea... that was my last week. ha. Monday the 19th was on of the worst days of my existence. It was a really terrible day, and I had to continue dealing with it all week. I am still continuing to deal with it, seeing as it's not something that will better itself, or what not on it's own. I am all mixed up emotionally, and am angry with a different person each day. Never know who it's going to be until the day unfolds.... but yea there is pretty much always someone I am angry with everyday.
The whole bit about finding myself... shit.. I'm still lost, and it FUCKING sucks. I quit working out like a week or so ago... because it was fucking cold outside and I was hiding inside from the shitty weather.... excuses I know. My ass is jiggly again.. haha .. and my belly is back to bulging. Tonight at dinner my Grandfather asked me if I was pregnant. He is sick, has Alzheimers... but still. I need to start working out.. I need to get a job.. I need to get better grades in school. You know what happened to the old me? The me that pleased everyone, the me that was perfect at everything she did, the me that could light up a room without even trying, the me who's entire family looked up to her, the me who believed that the world was exciting.
The issue that I am dealing with is my parents marriage... it's over? Or not... IDK they like to tell everyone that it's over and then recant that statement and change their minds, like all the time. But what really sucks is when one parent says it's over and the other is willing to do everything they can to save it. The odd part is the one willing to do anything is the one who hasn't really been present the entire marriage. So... I have an older brother and an older sister... and they have always looked up to me because I have always been the dependable, responsible one... and NOW tonight... I get a text basically saying that he thinks their problems are partially MY fault?! WTF! Are you kidding me?!
I like how everyone thinks that I enjoy sitting around my bedroom all day doing NOTHING. I hate that I don't have a job, and I hate that I play a fucking video game more then I do anything else in live, and I hate that I never leave the house... EVER, and I hate that the only human contact I get is my fucked up family. I would give anything to have a part time job with real people, and I would give anything to get out of the house once a day, and I would LOVE to do things, visit places... but you know what? I am kinda lost right now. Everyone just keeps yelling at me, and blaming things on me, and calling me lazy and shit. But does anyone stop to ask me if I'm ok? Does anyone stop to wonder that maybe the kid who's been working since she was 17 (full time) and been going to school for 4 ½ years now, is LOST or BURNT OUT, or maybe she’s just fucking insane? I mean really. Thanks for making me feel like more crap then I already make myself feel like, REALLY I mean I don't beat myself up all day and night over what a fucking waste of life I am lately. But seriously... I have been an adult my entire life, and I have ben responsible my entire life, and idk... idk what's wrong with me... but fuck. I guess I am having a midlife crisis at 23? IDK!
So right now... what I am doing everyday.... I wake up... I play some second life... I watch some TV shows online (ABC- Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Desperate Housewives, Brothers and Sisters, Eli Stone, Samantha Who: CW- One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl, 90210)... I pick up my little brother from the buss stop... I do some homework... I play some more second life until ungodly hours and then pass the fuck out. I suppose I should be applying for jobs in there, but every time I go to do it... I just don't. There is no reason. I go to the website... open the app... and then just DON'T! I understand that I need too, and know that I want to... but I just don't. I have no idea why. Idk what's wrong with me. For once I would like someone to be my shrink, rather then me being everyone else’s god damn shrink.
I thin that life might be better if I had friends here, but it's a new state and I don't have any. I need an old friend to come and get me outta my crazy... but oh wait! I don't even talk to any of them any more. No one calls, no one texts, no one sends messages on myspace or whatever... for all most of them know I could be dead. ha.
Anyways... this is all just a bunch of ramblings on and on.. but I needed to get shit off my chest. Till next time...
Kelli
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Hot diggity!
It's been a while... Updates are... I haven't weighed myself in a few days... and I don't really think I'm going to for awhile. What I do know is that my body is changing... yay! everything I am doing is paying off!! My thighs and my ass reshaping! My ass if firming up and looking pretty good... my saddlebags are like gone... and my inner thighs are slimming! yay! ha ha. My husband looks at me and likes what he sees these days! My trouble area, tummy, isn't changing... but it is getting a bit firmer.. I just added crunches to my workout. It is hard for me to do crunches/sit ups because of my back problems. So this is my routine 3 days a week:
2 sets of 15 wall push-ups
2 sets of 15 one leg squats
2 sets of 15 calf rise thingies
2 sets of 15 tricep thingies
and 2 sets of 15 of crunches
PLUS a walk with Chris and Bailey that is about a half hour long.. I'm not sure what the distance is.. but its pretty far.. ha ha. Longer then I would ever care to walk normally. ha ha.
School started on Monday. Yay! Ha ha... Ethics and then Learning Theory. Ethics looks interesting... but I haven't looked at the book for Learning Theory yet. I take classes online... they are 10 week classes, and so that means they CRAM everything in. I have about 14 papers to write in these 10 weeks. These aren't small little papers either... they are like get out int he world and talk to people and then write a paper about it. A HUGE paper. lol. School stresses me out... Lets see how school and I do in my new year... I'm already off to a not so good start... discussion board questions are due tomorrow and I haven't started reading...and that's like 4 chapters to read tomorrow. :( ha ha I suck.
I think that's all for tonight. Just wanted to write a quick update... no life leads to boring blogs with no substance. ha ha. Till next time...
2 sets of 15 wall push-ups
2 sets of 15 one leg squats
2 sets of 15 calf rise thingies
2 sets of 15 tricep thingies
and 2 sets of 15 of crunches
PLUS a walk with Chris and Bailey that is about a half hour long.. I'm not sure what the distance is.. but its pretty far.. ha ha. Longer then I would ever care to walk normally. ha ha.
School started on Monday. Yay! Ha ha... Ethics and then Learning Theory. Ethics looks interesting... but I haven't looked at the book for Learning Theory yet. I take classes online... they are 10 week classes, and so that means they CRAM everything in. I have about 14 papers to write in these 10 weeks. These aren't small little papers either... they are like get out int he world and talk to people and then write a paper about it. A HUGE paper. lol. School stresses me out... Lets see how school and I do in my new year... I'm already off to a not so good start... discussion board questions are due tomorrow and I haven't started reading...and that's like 4 chapters to read tomorrow. :( ha ha I suck.
I think that's all for tonight. Just wanted to write a quick update... no life leads to boring blogs with no substance. ha ha. Till next time...
Saturday, January 10, 2009
This is the beginning!
So... it is now 10 days into 2009!! Fabulous! How was every ones new years? Good I hope, I also hope your Christmas wasn't bad either. Well with the new year usually brings along some resolutions... I myself have never, and I repeat NEVER set a resolution before... because I was always afraid that I wouldn't stick to it and would let myself down. Know what I realized right around midnight on New Years Eve? I have been letting myself down for the past 23 years of my life because I HAVEN'T been making a resolution! So... I made one. I am going to lose 50lbs (or at least be healthier and more fit) by December 31, 2009.
I realize that almost everyone makes a resolution to lose weight, so my whole first resolution to lose weight might seem silly to some. But if you know me, you know that I have gained all of that weight within about a year... and completely and utterly lost myself with it. So, by setting a resolution to lose weight, I am really setting a resolution to find myself again. So that is what this blog is going to be all about, losing weight and finding myself.
So I decided that the whole myspace blog wasn't cutting it and I needed someone newer, something fresher with the new year. So here I am! I look forward to filling you all in on my crazy life, and the ups and downs of losing weight and finding myself. I don't think it will be too hard... but we will see.
So this is my plan... I started exactly a week ago, watching what I eat. Not counting calories, and not starving. I just eat lean cuisines and salads, and NO junk! I stay away from pretty much everything I used to eat. Then I work out on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. 30 minute strength training and a 30 minute walk with my husband, Chris, and our chihuahua, Bailey. In a week I have lost 6 lbs, and gained 1lbs back. So I technically lost 5 lbs in a week. I hear that is pretty good! I can also see a difference in my butt and my saddle bags. Also, I am starting to feel really good about myself again, I am starting to feel like the old me. I am more vibrant, more flirtatious with Chris, and just more fun. The journey will be long, but I think I'm off to a good start.
Some Background on me! I met Chris in 7Th grade, his brother Joe was my best friend. Joe and I spent everyday together for a few years until he moved away to Texas. I never really talked to Chris. Joe moved back to Arizona (where we grew up) and got in contact with me. I invited Joe to a party, to protect me ha ha, and he said he was going to bring Chris too. I was pretty excited to see Joe and Chris, I hadn't talked to Chris in almost 6 years, or seen him for that matter. The Chris I new was a nerd, a true nerd by looks. Thick glasses, bowel cut hair, and scrawny. lol. But the Chris that showed up at my door was the exact opposite! Needless to say we have been together ever sense.
A month after we started my family and I moved to Texas. We were heart broken and didn't know what to do. We stuck it out though and a month after we moved Chris came to visit! Then a month after his visit he moved to Texas and lived with my family and I in our home! (Obviously my parents are pretty cool!) After living with my family for about 6 months we moved back to Arizona, it was were both of us grew up and just felt more like home to us then Texas ever did. That was a HUGE sacrifice for me to make, leaving my family. I am very close to my family and it was hard. (Here is where gaining the weight came in.) When we moved to Arizona Chris' mom helped Joe, Chris, and I get an apartment and we lived with Joe for a few months, then we moved into a condo with Lara, Chris' sister. We lived in the condo for a year... and in that year Lara's bf moved in and so did Joe's gf. So there were 6 people living in a 2 bedroom w/ a loft condo. It was very stressful to say the least. Chris and I FINALLY moved out on our own and got our own apartment! yay! We also got two cats and a puppy! The kitties didn't work out turns out I'm allergic, but Bailey is our little princess!
We were having some financial difficulties in Arizona, and I was missing my family like no other, so after two years of living away from them Chris and I decided it was time to make a life change, and we moved to Florida to be with them! It was good in theory, but the economy is in a shit whole , and I still don't have a job after 6 months and Chris is only working part time. So we live in a two bedroom, two bath, with a lanai.... with my mom , dad, little brother (14), my parents two dogs (chihuahua/dachshund, 90 lbs lab) and their two cats. That's a whole lot of action!
Oh I forgot, in that time after a year of being together I proposed to Chris, 6 months later we were married in Las Vegas on Thanksgiving weekend! November 24, 2006. Best day of my life!
So that brings me to where I am now, living in Florida with everyone I love near me, and jobless with lots of time on my hands. I am really lost in Florida. Don't get me wrong Florida feels like home, I have been summering here since I was 8, but I still don't have any friends here, and I live with my parents! I feel not so great about it. Soooo 2009 brings change and that's what I am working towards. Change!
Ok I am done for today. That was the longest Blog I think I have ever written. But I just wanted to fill y'all in on some background. To explain where I come from. More background will come in other posts I'm sure. Thanks for reading, thanks for listening, thanks for caring.
<3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Kel
I realize that almost everyone makes a resolution to lose weight, so my whole first resolution to lose weight might seem silly to some. But if you know me, you know that I have gained all of that weight within about a year... and completely and utterly lost myself with it. So, by setting a resolution to lose weight, I am really setting a resolution to find myself again. So that is what this blog is going to be all about, losing weight and finding myself.
So I decided that the whole myspace blog wasn't cutting it and I needed someone newer, something fresher with the new year. So here I am! I look forward to filling you all in on my crazy life, and the ups and downs of losing weight and finding myself. I don't think it will be too hard... but we will see.
So this is my plan... I started exactly a week ago, watching what I eat. Not counting calories, and not starving. I just eat lean cuisines and salads, and NO junk! I stay away from pretty much everything I used to eat. Then I work out on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. 30 minute strength training and a 30 minute walk with my husband, Chris, and our chihuahua, Bailey. In a week I have lost 6 lbs, and gained 1lbs back. So I technically lost 5 lbs in a week. I hear that is pretty good! I can also see a difference in my butt and my saddle bags. Also, I am starting to feel really good about myself again, I am starting to feel like the old me. I am more vibrant, more flirtatious with Chris, and just more fun. The journey will be long, but I think I'm off to a good start.
Some Background on me! I met Chris in 7Th grade, his brother Joe was my best friend. Joe and I spent everyday together for a few years until he moved away to Texas. I never really talked to Chris. Joe moved back to Arizona (where we grew up) and got in contact with me. I invited Joe to a party, to protect me ha ha, and he said he was going to bring Chris too. I was pretty excited to see Joe and Chris, I hadn't talked to Chris in almost 6 years, or seen him for that matter. The Chris I new was a nerd, a true nerd by looks. Thick glasses, bowel cut hair, and scrawny. lol. But the Chris that showed up at my door was the exact opposite! Needless to say we have been together ever sense.
A month after we started my family and I moved to Texas. We were heart broken and didn't know what to do. We stuck it out though and a month after we moved Chris came to visit! Then a month after his visit he moved to Texas and lived with my family and I in our home! (Obviously my parents are pretty cool!) After living with my family for about 6 months we moved back to Arizona, it was were both of us grew up and just felt more like home to us then Texas ever did. That was a HUGE sacrifice for me to make, leaving my family. I am very close to my family and it was hard. (Here is where gaining the weight came in.) When we moved to Arizona Chris' mom helped Joe, Chris, and I get an apartment and we lived with Joe for a few months, then we moved into a condo with Lara, Chris' sister. We lived in the condo for a year... and in that year Lara's bf moved in and so did Joe's gf. So there were 6 people living in a 2 bedroom w/ a loft condo. It was very stressful to say the least. Chris and I FINALLY moved out on our own and got our own apartment! yay! We also got two cats and a puppy! The kitties didn't work out turns out I'm allergic, but Bailey is our little princess!
We were having some financial difficulties in Arizona, and I was missing my family like no other, so after two years of living away from them Chris and I decided it was time to make a life change, and we moved to Florida to be with them! It was good in theory, but the economy is in a shit whole , and I still don't have a job after 6 months and Chris is only working part time. So we live in a two bedroom, two bath, with a lanai.... with my mom , dad, little brother (14), my parents two dogs (chihuahua/dachshund, 90 lbs lab) and their two cats. That's a whole lot of action!
Oh I forgot, in that time after a year of being together I proposed to Chris, 6 months later we were married in Las Vegas on Thanksgiving weekend! November 24, 2006. Best day of my life!
So that brings me to where I am now, living in Florida with everyone I love near me, and jobless with lots of time on my hands. I am really lost in Florida. Don't get me wrong Florida feels like home, I have been summering here since I was 8, but I still don't have any friends here, and I live with my parents! I feel not so great about it. Soooo 2009 brings change and that's what I am working towards. Change!
Ok I am done for today. That was the longest Blog I think I have ever written. But I just wanted to fill y'all in on some background. To explain where I come from. More background will come in other posts I'm sure. Thanks for reading, thanks for listening, thanks for caring.
<3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Kel
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