Sigh

My life fucking sucks. It’s not too much to ask for… is it? Affirmation of love? I am sorry that I have had a million and a half broken promises made in my life time, and that means that I need people to actually show me, and follow through. I am sorrrrrry that I am fucked up, but I kinda think you signed on for that one.

i used to have someone i could talk to about everything. that i could talk to about the inner workings of my head… they would help me out, and make things better… or at least try. now i just get told “your fine”. oh ok.. why didn't i think of that. THANKS! i guess I'm fine! nothing to worry about.

fucking ugh. now… i scream and no one hears me.

 

thend.

Ouch… headache go AWAY!

Ugh. Today is totally one of those days. But really what day recently hasn’t been? I have no officially had a KILLER headache for 3 days straight. It is really enjoyable. If it is a brain tumor… could it just kill me already? Thanks.

We are trying to get approved for this 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom duplex down the road. It is decent on the inside… but it’s small! It’s like 900 sqft! For… mom, David, 90lbs chocolate lab  Dakota, Chihuahua/dachshund Lucy, and kitty cat Tiger. Cramped! Sharing a room with bro man wont be too much fun, but hey… at least we will have a roof! I can’t complain, and I’m  not really… it will save us about 500$ a month… and that's AWESOME.

You know it irritates me beyond belief that mom is hounding me daily about how I need to get out there and start looking for a job… well hello Nancy, I am doing the exact same things you are to find a job… if it isn’t good enough for me, then it isn’t good enough for you! If I need to get off my ass, then so do you dear mother, so stop fucking complaining and lead my example. Thanks.

David is still doing awesome in school. I am so proud of him. He comes home everyday telling us how much he loves his teacher, and he loves school. That’s NEVER happened before. I am so happy that he’s doing ok. I am so proud of him.

I need a vacation. Yea… I know people always laugh at me when I say that… what do you need a vacation from you do nothing everyday… yea well that doing nothing is taking its toll. I just need to get away from mom and David for awhile… I just need to take a break and get my head back on correctly. I just need to go somewhere, and think, and pull myself back together.

I feel SO lost. I feel like I am watching everyone live their life, and I am just an observer. I feel… like I have so much potential, if I would just do something about it. I wish I had someone… could definitely use those hugs and kisses right now.

This blog is so damn depressing…I know… and hopefully one day soon I will be able to start filling it with stuff other than my fucking crying. Soon…

THEND

Blah

Have you ever been so bored with life that you just never want to wake up, because you KNOW that nothing worth happening will happen…

I could really use a sugar daddy. Someone to take care of me financially, so I can just focus on school… because honestly I’m ready to buckle down and get this freaking degree! I am looking into changing my major… from Psychology to English. I think I would enjoy it a lot more, and it would actually be a bit more useful to me. Plus I think I would feel less stupid in an easier major.

David is doing good in school this year. I think this might be his break out year. His teacher is really something special, I like him a lot. David also has a new best friend this year, Sarah. I like her a lot. She is pretty much apart of the family, she is over here almost everyday.

I keep feeling like I’m a waste. I hate myself on a daily basis. I really do not like this feeling. bleh.

I am lonely. Maybe that's another reason why I never want to wake up… not so lonely in my dreams!

Ok this is just sad. lol. I am done  complaining.

THEND